It’s not often that I reflect on what an impact the Homeless Outreach ministry has on the people we serve or how it affects the people on the team. I put my head down and do the work I was called to do. I care for my people a great deal and I believe that shows, but I don’t sit around talking about feelings or how I/we made a difference. It’s all great and there’s a time and place for it, but when I stop to think about it, I sob, I wail, I break. Something in me bursts – a dam of emotion gives way and I celebrate or grieve, I rejoice or hurt. I’m not saying that’s the healthiest way, but I am saying that it’s how I know to best serve. Make no mistake, sometimes, leaks happen and yesterday was a leak. I had the honor and humbling privilege to baptize 5 of the members of my team. It’s an overwhelming joy to see people publicly embrace Jesus – the Savior, the Healer, the Light, the Way. Knowing that it’s in Him that they rest and to Him that they look to for guidance. Not me, not the world, not their peers, but Jesus is their instinct, He is there Shepard.
Mind you, I went running immediately after the last baptism. I literally had to jump out of the pool, dripping wet, to hop in my car, drive 30 minutes to my next commitment – giving my testimony and a devotional to another team of people I am now called to help lead and motivate. I have the blessing of being a part of a Wellness Center Team (RZ Total Body Center) that helps people overcome injuries, illnesses and achieve total body fitness with nutrition, coaching, Eastern medicine and, of course, a bevy of fitness classes. It hadn’t dawned on me until this moment, as I was giving my testimony to these new faces, that I have stepped into full time ministry. Without even realizing what I accepted in taking on this job was a real and total commitment to living my life according to His will and to walking that out in front of a team of accountability. Everyday this fast becomes more confirmed. To be dramatic, it’s as if each day that I get through is a new level of awareness about it all – how to walk out these new plans, achieving breakthroughs, hearing wisdom, speaking scripture, praying out promise – it’s incredible and I’ve yet to feel any physical/”in the natural” effects of having gone without solid nutrition. Let’s be honest, there’s a whole blog about my fantasies surrounding beef ribs and how I’ll celebrate the end of the fast – I’m not denying that I’ve withstood cravings, attacks and tried to talk myself out of it, but the rewards of speaking those demons beneath my feet are incredible.
When I think of how many times I had considered walking away from my calling (again), it’s utterly terrifying. It’s enough to know that I’m capable of falling down that far that keeps me humble. None of us are perfect. We all face temptation, we all struggle and we all have sin, but it’s how we handle it – obedience to scripture, yielding ourselves to leadership, being honest with a community of safe people and rooting ourselves in a church family with a heart for us and how we build the house- is absolutely imperative. We’ll all be tried time and again. If I know anything it’s that our God is faithful, but our Enemy is persistent. And there’s a very real part of me that’s thankful for that. If it weren’t for the trials and the battery, there’s a good chance I’d take my God for granted and I’d be tempted to think that all of this was about me.
Looking back on the day, it took so many people to make that night happen. 265 people made the decision for Christ. There were 3 pools, dozens of people caring for the new believers, dozen more doing the baptizing, the check in the laundry to ensure everyone had towels and clothes if they’d made the decision on the spot, Pastor Philip who was obedient to the vision God put on his heart – every single person was necessary and every single person was used and blessed by God. It blows my mind. That’s Church. That’s community. It’s the people. It’s a collective agreement with God and working in unity to achieve His will.
I can’t compute sometimes. I get that gut punch, that lift in my brain that all says YES! Be still and know that I am!
Thankfully, while I was running between ministries, my Outreach Family who had just been baptized was having a family dinner. I got to hug them all just as they were leaving and at least got to celebrate them that much. To see the joy on their faces and the laughter amongst them was one of the best ways I have ever ended a night. I went to bed riding such a high that I woke up still smiling this morning. I couldn’t be more proud of them, the decision they made, the way the serve and that I get to do life with them. What a blessing. What joy.